I grew up in a fairly minimalist home. My parents are German immigrants, and lived through World War II. Those hard times shaped who they were, and that translated down to my sisters and I throughout the years.
At Christmas we typically got one, maybe two gifts; perhaps a bike, skateboard, roller-skates, or a camera. Contrary to what you may think, Christmas was super-exciting for us. We didn’t know any different. The anticipation to open that one BIG gift! It was glorious! It wasn’t until I spoke with other kids that I realized receiving only one gift was frowned upon. “You really only got ONE gift?” my classmates would ask. Of course, I went home and told my mom that my friends received multiple gifts from their parents. My mom said, “We don’t have the money to buy you girls multiple gifts, but even more important, you DON’T NEED it.” At the time I didn’t understand, and I wasn’t happy with that answer, but I had no choice.
So as I played at my friend’s house after school, I saw excessive clutter for the first time in my life. Board games, barbies, legos, stuffed animals, lincoln logs, hot wheels, you name it, she seemed to have it all. All over her bedroom floor. And I was in heaven. I played with toys that I didn’t own, and knew I’d never own. The rest of the house looked the same. Laundry everywhere, more stacks of board games, a piano, drum set, gum ball machine, and lots of stuff that I thought was pretty cool. Her dad sold chocolate bars, and there were boxes of chocolate bars stacked in the kitchen as well as the garage. But, I was always baffled when she said she was bored. I would look at her house and think, how can that be? This same situation seemed to play over and over as I went to different houses. I’d be excited to see all my friend's toys, and they were completely bored with them. Even unhappy. Usually, they just wanted to go outside and play.
And that’s when I came to my own conclusion early on: It seemed that anyone with excessive stuff appeared to be unhappy. This proved itself to be accurate over and over. The neighbor who complained year over year that he couldn’t put his car in the garage due to all his junk; the co-worker who told me how stressed she was about getting yet another storage unit for all her stuff… and on and on.
I’ve observed this watching the show Hoarders. Whether the person had some deep-rooted emotional trauma that caused the hoarding, or, vice versa, they tell themselves the same lie over and over. Stuff = happiness, right? Clearly, it doesn’t. When the vicious cycle starts, and the magnitude, guilt, and sheer volume of just tons of ‘stuff’ begins, it just goes round and round, with no end in sight.
Getting rid of something that was a gift, or something sentimental that doesn’t serve any purpose in your life, is hard. However, holding onto it and not using it, doesn’t make it any better. Guilt takes up lots of space in our lives, and it’s unnecessary. If it is a negative reminder of something, or someone, lose it. If it creates guilt, lose it. It will feel liberating.
So how do you begin? A good start is to begin with items related to your ‘fantasy self’. What does that mean? Our fantasy self is the idealized version of ourselves that we think about, and unfortunately, buy things for. That cute dress you got on sale, because it would look great if you lost 5 more pounds. That candle-making kit in case you start your own candle business. Excessive cookbooks, in case you ever become a great chef.
Acknowledge who YOU really are, and how likely you are to use certain items. It will open your eyes! You will most likely find that once the item is out of sight, it is out of mind.
Closets or storage areas are great starting places. Start with a bag for donations, a bag for trash, and a bag labeled “Undecided”. When that last bag is filled, simply set it aside for a week or two. If the item(s) aren’t missed at all, it immediately becomes a donation bag. Usually, my Undecided bag just defaults right to the donation bag.
I continuously declutter, as I find it very therapeutic. Maybe you will too! So start decluttering the physical things, and you will be amazed at how quickly it declutters your mind, and allows space for something new. It's nice to own things, but don't let them own YOU.
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